


Carry On My Wayward Sons

by SmackTheDevil



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anger, Angst, Brother/Brother Incest, Explicit Language, Family Issues, Kissing, M/M, The Winchester Family, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 03:48:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4945627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmackTheDevil/pseuds/SmackTheDevil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam drags an unwilling Dean to therapy but not for reasons he expects...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carry On My Wayward Sons

"Sam. Everything is confidential. Whatever you tell me, whatever we discuss. It stays between us."

"It's difficult."

"It really isn't. You're over the hard part. You're sitting here."

Sam smiled weakly. He wasn't convinced. 

"Did you talk to your brother? Is he going to join us?"

"I don't know. I mean. I did mention it to him, but Dean thinks this is family business."

"Do you think it's family business?"

Sam shrugged. 

"I'm not sure. It's our business sure. But family is a gray area for us."

"Has it always been that way?"

"Yeah. I guess. Both our parents are dead and Dad was away on business a lot of the time so we were kinda left to our own devices."

"Tell me about your parents Sam. I'd like to go right back to the beginning if I may?"

Sam nodded then tucked his hair behind his ears. 

"You were a small child when your Mother died. Is that correct?"

"Yeah. Well, a baby really. I never knew her. Dean did, but I was too young."

"Do you mind if I ask how she died, Sam?"

"A house fire. Dad tried to save her, but he couldn't." Sam fidgeted a little. 

"I'm sorry that must have been hard for your Dad and your brother. How old was he at the time, your brother?"

"He was coming up to five years old."

"And he remembers?"

Sam nodded 

"Yeah. He's told me so many times how he held me when Dad went back into the house. He held me that day and has never really me go."

"What was life like after that? An all-male household. It must have been hard for your Father."

"We didn't really have a household. Dean tried to when Dad was away for weeks at a time. But we were never a family in the true sense of the word."

"What took your father away from home?"

"Work."

"Would you like to elaborate on that?"

"No," Sam replied firmly but politely. 

"Okay. That's okay. Now how was school?"

"I went to a lot of different schools. I was always the new kid."

"For a child, that must have been daunting."

"I guess. Dean used to be there watching out for me. I'm glad in a way as making friend's was hard. I never knew how long I'd be there for so I just kept my head down and got on with my work."

"Did you enjoy school when you went?"

"Yeah." Sam smiled to himself. 'Yeah, I did. That's why I went to college. It's normal isn't it?"

"Was that what you wanted as a child, normality?" 

Sam nodded and looked around the room. He bit his lip then clenched his fists as his eyes pricked with tears. 

"Would you like to stop for a moment?"

Sam shook his head. 

"I see here from your notes that, your father John passed away around 9 years ago. You've spent quite a large portion of your adult life without your parents. Do you think that is reflected in your current lifestyle?"

Sam shook his head and sniffed. 

"I don't think so. I mean I don't really know. Dean and I, we've been through a lot of stuff as a result of mom and dad not being here for us so I guess it does in a way."

"Do you have any other family that you see regularly?"

Again Sam shook his head. 

"We had Bobby. He was like a father to us."

"Was?"

"He died a little while ago and our half-brother." Sam looked down at his hands, they were beginning to tremble. "We lost him too." He looked up and sobbed. "We lose. Everyone."

Sam was handed a box of tissues. The room remained silent as he was allowed to collect himself and relax. 

Minutes passed. 

"Would you like to carry on, Sam?"

He nodded and smiled softly. 

"So I notice that you both run the family business and that it takes you all over the country. Is that correct?"

"Yeah. We took over from Dad. It's. It's a hunting business." Sams' voice went up an octave. "And it requires us to travel around."

"You don't have a place to call home?"

"Dean is home."

"But no fixed address." The therapist smiled at him. 

"No, not really." Sam shook his head. 

“Would you like to settle down somewhere?”

Sam nodded.

“Yeah.”

“And Dean?”

“Yeah I think he would. Just us two together away from everything and everyone.”

“Why do you think that would make your life better?” 

Sam paused and thought deeply.

“Because I don't think I would be scared anymore.”

“What are you scared of Sam?”

“The monsters.”

The therapist watched him carefully, his eyes were still red and threatening tears.

“We all have our demons, Sam. Being here can help rid you of them.”

Sam laughed to himself, then looked up toward the ceiling and sniffed. He looked back at the therapist and rubbed his hands together.

“Why did you think you should see me? I mean, I can obviously tell that your past is particularly troubled. But from what I can tell, you seem to have made peace with your past.”

“Some aspects.” Sam nodded enthusiastically. “Sure, but I think I need, I don't know if affirmation is the right word. You won't give me that.”

“Why do you think you need affirmation?” 

“Because I'm in love with my brother.”

“Can you please clarify that statement for me, Sam.”

“I'm in love with my brother. I love him.”

The therapist didn't react.

“Okay, that's okay. And does Dean reciprocate these feelings?”

Sam nodded, he felt more tears forming in the corner of his eyes, he turned his head away a little.

“Yeah. He does.”

“Have you consummated the relationship? I know this is uncomfortable for you, but I need as much information from you in order to help you both.”

“We have yes.” Sam looked straight at the therapist. “I don't need help from you.”

“Okay, that's okay. But I'm sure you are aware that..”

“Yes. I know. I know. But I don't need help.”

“Okay, Sam. What I need you to explain to me, the best you can, to help me understand your needs, is why you came to me? Why are you here?”

“Because I'm so happy, I needed to tell another human being who wouldn't tell.” And then he sobbed and broke his heart in two.

“Sam, I can't and I won't. Okay?” The therapist set down her notebook and pen and then knelt at Sams' feet. She placed her hands on his knees.

There was something about this tall, poised and vulnerable man which tugged at her humanity. He wasn't deviant, he wasn't perverted. He was a young man who had witnessed so much pain in life that he was clutching on to one constant. His brother. His beloved.

“I don't tend to do this,” She whispered, gently circling a hand over Sams' knee. “Are you sure you're really okay?”

Sam nodded, his hand over his mouth stifling his sobs. 

“I can't tell anyone.” He sobbed.

“I know sweetheart. But, God, this goes against everything I learned, surely if you're discreet then you can be happy and no one need know any of it?”

Sam frowned. 

“It's wrong.”

“I know. I know.” She smiled softly at him. “Would you do me a small favor?”

“I guess.”

“Would you let me meet your brother?”

“He's outside waiting for me.”

“Send him in and I'll see him now. That's if he wants to.”

“I'll ask him, but don't get your hopes up, Deans' kinda stubborn.”

“I'm sure I've met worse.” She smiled at him and stood up. “Go on, send him straight in.”

Sam walked over to the Impala, his eyes still red and watery. Dean was relaxed, car seat reclined, music on loud.

“Dean!” Sam knocked on the glass.

Dean jumped then wound down the window.

“You okay, buddy? You been crying?”

Sam brushed off his brothers' concerns. 

“I'm fine. But she would really like to talk to you.”

Dean pulled a face.

“I dunno, Sammy. I ain't into all this therapy shit.”

“It's not like that. She's really nice and she wants to meet you. It'll be fine I promise.” Sam smiled at his brother, his dimples deepening.

“Okay. Damn those dimples, Sammy. But if I find out she made you cry, I'll ain't gonna be happy.”

Sam waited in the car as Dean walked straight inside. The therapists door was open, she poked her head around the frame.

“You must be, Dean?” 

“Yeah.”

“Come in. Take a seat.”

“I'm only doing this for Sammy, okay lady?” Dean sat down with meaning.

“I understand. This isn't for everyone.”

Dean looked around the room and sensed her watching him carefully.

“Now, Sam has told me a lot about your childhood together. Your parents. I'm sorry for your loss.”

“Yeah, well it was a long time ago.” Dean refrained from eye contact and paused for a moment. “It's always been me and him, for a long time now. Apart from that shit move to college.”

“Was Sam not supported with his decision to go to college? Where was it he attended?”  
“Stanford. Yeah, sort of.”

“Why did you call it a 'shit move'?”

“I dunno.” Dean shrugged. “He broke the family up. Hey, I ain't here for this going over shit I dealt with years ago. Why did Sam come here anyway?”

“He wanted to explain to someone, away from your unit, about your relationship.”

Dean frowned.

“Okay?”

“Dean it's okay. I'm not here to judge you, I just need to see that Sam is well. I need you to confirm that you are in a relationship with your brother.”

“I ain't telling you anything about that.” 

“Dean, everything you tell me is confidential. Sam was very upset when he spoke to me.”

Dean sat up a little.

“What did you say to him?”

“It's more what he said to me. He holds you in very high esteem. And I'm assuming you feel the same way?”

“Well yeah. I mean, he's my little brother. I love him.”

“Are you happy?”

Dean shifted uncomfortably then looked out of the window.

“Yeah.”

“Sam told me that you have been looking after him from an early age. Is that correct? How did that happen?”

Dean locked his fingers together and placed them neatly on his belly, his eyes still fixed on the window.

“Yeah. Dad was away on business a lot of the time, so I kinda got lumbered with the little bitch.”

“So really then, Sam leaving for college must have been difficult?”  
“It was fucking horrible.” 

“Did he graduate?”

“No.”

“Why is that? From what Sam told me, he enjoyed his education.”

“His girlfriend died. He was sad, I rescued him. The end.”

“Sam has lost quite a few significant people in his life.”

“We both have.” Dean shot the therapist a glare but then softened. “We both have, lady. Like you wouldn't believe.”

“Do you think then that is why your relationship with one another has become what it is now?”

“I would set the world on fire for that boy.”

“You seem angry, Dean. Why is that?”

“Because I can't catch a break.”

“What do you mean when you say that?”

“It means that any kind of happiness is snatched away in an instant. Bam! Gone. Meet a girl. Over. Family, gone! Nothing lasts.”

“You and Sam seem to, despite all of the odds.”

Dean sat quietly for a moment.

“Sam just wants normality. Is that something you can give him?”

“Sam has always wanted normality. Maybe I don't try hard enough. But then. Our business, it ain't something we can just stop.”

“It's a hunting business so Sam said. Would it not be more prudent for you both to find more steady employment?”

“You know, people come here and they pour their hearts out with their first world problems and you know? They don't tell you everything, lady. You know that right? Our job is what it is. Ain't no changing that. Sam and me, well there ain't no changing that either.”

“I don't think either of you should.”

Dean sat up and looked straight at her.

“Has Sam told you everything?” He whispered.

The therapist nodded and smiled.

“Sam is scared of losing you.”

“He always is, he needs to toughen up.”

“Like you, you mean?”

Dean shrugged.

“You know, the line between fear and anger is a very fine one, Dean. I'm not saying I condone your relationship, but I think you two need one another.”

“How much did Sam pay you tell us something we already knew?”

“It's not as cut and dry as that. He wanted to feel like a member of the human race. He wanted to tell someone that he loves you and that he feels safe and happy and protected. I saw this in him, I'm not here to talk you out of it. He wanted support and in his words, he was right I suppose, some form of affirmation.”

“I ain't ever gonna hurt him.”

“I can see that.”

The therapist stood up.

“Is that it?” 

“It is yes. I'm sorry if at first you felt railroaded, but Sam seems like such a gentle soul I needed to see this great love of his before I could continue with my day.”

“You ain't like any kind of shrink I've ever known.” Dean stood up and smiled a little.

“A guardian angel some have said.” 

“Yeah, you ain't like one of them either. Trust me!” 

The therapist frowned a little, not knowing whether she should be offended.  
Dean held out a hand.

“Well, it was nice talking. Kind of. Miss..?”

The therapist took his hand.

“Campbell.”

Dean laughed to himself.

“Well Miss Campbell, it was good to meet you.”

“And you Mr. Winchester.”

Back in the car. Dean sat staring through the windshield as Fall leaves fluttered around them.

“Did you know her name was Campbell?” Dean asked quietly.

“Yeah. It's weird.”

“I feel better now. It's like I feel okay about everything. I mean us, specifically.” He looked at Sam and took his hand in his.

“Well good. I do too.”

“This doesn't mean I'm seeing a shrink every time we have a domestic.”

Sam laughed.

“I know. I think I'm just okay with us letting us sort it out.”

“Like we always do?”

Dean nodded.

“Like we always do.”

Dean stole a moment and kiss from his brother before once again hitting the open road.


End file.
